Lilly will be sharing chapters from her upcoming book here, every week, until the March 21 release date. This is exciting news because each chapter in this unique parenting manual holds valuable tips that you can put into practice with your own children TODAY. We guarantee you will see evidence of their success within a few days that you begin using them. Even if you never read another chapter in this insightful book, you will benefit from reading this one all by itself. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
The River of Life is wide and swift and success is most often measured by merely making it to the end without piling up on the rocks or drowning along the way. There are many methods of travel. Some simply jump in fully clothed and let the currents carry them however and wherever they will, and others build amazing watercraft to help them along.
Still others band together and travel in floating societies, each member specializing in something the others cannot do. These societies have become quite sophisticated. Now, after millennia of advancing humanity it is possible to make it all the way down without knowing how to swim. Some have even finished without ever actually getting wet. And along the way we have built ourselves up philosophies that tell us it isn’t really necessary, anymore. |
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Everything is taken care of. No worries. If something goes wrong, we’re covered, because the insurance people are doing their jobs and they can handle it. That’s what we pay them for. Which makes for a nice smooth journey, except for one thing… our children keep jumping over the side. They do not realize the danger of being up so high and are forever fascinated with the water. We call these the “rebellious years” and comfort ourselves with the knowledge that nearly everyone goes through them. Nevertheless, they can give us some of the most heart-wrenching experiences of our lives.
Whether you are the parent or the child.
It is in our nature to want to experience things for ourselves. To accomplish something “on our own”, to divide the waters from the waters, and to ultimately see what lies at the end of the River. We don’t talk about what lies at the end of the River (even though EVERYONE ends up there) because – in our elaborate societies – it simply isn’t in good taste. And we spend a lot of time trying to teach our children how to get along in the societies rather than how to get down the River. Figuring out the River is rather old-fashioned, considering the boat is already headed there. So, why all the turmoil?
Because for everything the societies take out of you, the River gives back. Children know this because... they spend a lot of time looking. And feeling. For every impression they manage to vocalize they are feeling nine more, and trying to make sense out of them all. It has been said that the human brain absorbs more fully and works faster in childhood than any other time in life. And if that is so, it is prime time for “swimming lessons.” The thing about swimming is – outside of a few pointers – it is learned best by doing. Children learn who they are and what they are good at by trying things out for themselves. As soon as they have mastered the home environment, they are ready to explore. They NEED to explore. Not too far, at first, but they will always be pressing to go farther.
The clash comes because this is a time in the societies when it’s a real hassle to get down to the River anymore. We’re too busy fulfilling our obligations to the boat, which if we don’t keep up, could very well cause us to lose our ticket. Something that is unacceptable. The societies have helped us out a bit in this struggle by providing pastimes for children that fit in with the routine of daily living. Except these only suppress the latent impulses of human nature temporarily, storing up ammunition for the coming rebellious years. That’s because the pastimes are lavishly embellished with stories about… the River.
So, what can we do about all this?
Let's take a better look at the River. There’s a reason why it’s so appealing to humans: it fulfills their need for adventure, their need to excel, and their need to “touch bases” with a little bit of the nature that courses so strongly through every one of us. Adventure and Excellence. Everyone dreams about these two things. They are the ultimate goal of every human being, no matter how they choose to achieve it. And – once, again – it is a force so strong that it would be better for us as parents (and children) to work with, instead of against.
Maybe let them fish where they’ve never fished or explore where they’ve never explored. Maybe even encourage them in this quest for themselves that they are driven to embark on from their very earliest days. The River of Life is full of many channels – let them experience what it’s like to change in midstream once in a while. They won’t be successful at everything. In fact, they can’t be. But something happens in the mere trying that makes them a stronger, more confident individual. And one day they will happen upon something that will turn them into the very person they were meant to be.
Of course, we’re not advocating that you pull out all the stops and give your eleven-year-old the keys to the family car if he asks for them, although that’s exactly what Charles Lindbergh was doing at that age, and look what an amazing person he turned out to be. Of course, we’ve acquired a few too many vehicles on the roads since his day and had to come up with an elaborate set of rules and driver’s licenses to keep the chaos at bay. The point here is, at that age the young Lindbergh was not only capable of driving the family car, he became so good at it he was designated the official driver on some of his father’s political campaigns. He even went so far as to be responsible for the care and maintenance of the vehicle. He kept detailed records of repairs and fuel consumption, laying a foundation that would serve him later in life and allow him to go where no one else had gone and do what no one else had done. And because of these experiences – one on top of the other – he was ultimately able to change the course of the entire Pacific Campaign during World War II, by showing other pilots how to coax more miles out of the airplane engine than anyone had ever believed possible.
Childhood experiences are important.
They make up the foundations of a person’s life, and from it spring hopes, dreams, and – more importantly – values that last through a whole lifetime. All the way down the River. But compared to a lifetime, childhood is relatively short. Today, more than any other time in history, much of what has become “on hand” for children to do, is deceptively passive. Interactive is NOT the same as active, and sooner or later a person will do what he thinks. Because that’s Life and that’s what living is all about. So, then it becomes very important how that thinking process is developed. In the same way that the law of gravity is no respecter of persons and “what goes up must come down,” the human brain is a processor, and “what goes in must eventually come out.”
Be careful what you allow into that wonderful little brain you – as a parent – have been entrusted with. It’s the only time in life you will have the sole power to decide what does or doesn’t go into it. It’s the only time in YOUR life when you will be able to declare what is or isn’t worthwhile and have those values carry on beyond your own lifetime. It isn’t so much a question of good or bad. Most people desire good things for themselves and their children, and most people are good people. The danger lies in wasting the fertile ground of childhood with pastimes and experiences that simply aren’t worthwhile. And because it is the nature of children to amuse themselves with whatever is at hand… make sure you surround them with something of value.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Do you love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” As far as we’ve come in “the societies” over the years, we human beings still only have the same allotment of time doled out to us. Twenty-four hours in every day. Rich or poor, good or bad, no more and no less for everybody. And the truth is, in order for you to help your children have more worthwhile experiences, you might have to do a little “channel changing” yourself, in order to provide opportunities for them.
It takes energy to change channels. A channel is a river of current that will carry you along quite nicely without much effort. But try to get out of it, and you will find some pretty intense resistance is involved. You have to go against the current to get out into another channel, then that one proceeds to sweep you along wherever it’s headed. So, what’s the point? The point is, each time you accomplish a channel change you get stronger. And the more times you do it, you actually find yourself looking forward to the exertion and the refreshing change of perspective that comes from seeing and experiencing something different. Like working out at a gym: it’s hard to go but you feel so much better after you do. Do it enough and you become dedicated to working out, simply because you get “hooked” on feeling good. Pretty soon it becomes a channel, and not difficult to stay in at all. The secret to helping your children experience this is to make sure that the channels available to them are worthwhile ones.
Here are some tips to “get your feet wet” with channel changing:
GET IN THE WATER WITH THEM. Children are like everyone else, it’s just as hard for them to change channels when the one they’re watching has their full attention at the moment. But if YOU are going to do it, too… well, then that beats a spectator sport any day.
BE ENCOURAGING. Nobody’s born a professional and even Charles Lindbergh spent a lot of time fixing flats and running into ditches during his early years. Sometimes a “Let’s see if we can fix that,” or “Let’s try that again,” is all it takes to develop persistence in learning something new.
DON’T CRITICIZE FAILURES. People who have accomplished the most in life have also experienced the most failures: they seem to go hand in hand. But there is something to be learned in every experience and it is commendable just to see people try. Always remember that a critical remark at an inopportune moment could be taken personally and cause a child to be reluctant at trying new things in the future, no matter how appealing it looks.
DON’T LET YOUR OWN FEARS LIMIT THEM. Don’t steer Sarah away from having a bug collection simply because you can’t stand “creepy crawlies.” She might be the next Madame Currie.
PAY SOME RESPECT. Give your child your full interest when they are sharing something with you. Replace some of those worn out phrases like “That’s nice, hon,” or “Cool,” with things like “I’m not surprised, you’ve always been good at figuring things out.” Or, “Do you have any plans on how you’re going to do that?” And then listen.
HELP THEM OUT WITH AN IDEA now and then. Children get in ruts, too, and sometimes they just can’t think of anything to do. That’s the time to put your own thinking cap on and come up with an activity or project that you know they would enjoy, even if it takes a little extra time and effort on your part.
Changing channels and experiencing new things can add new dimensions to not only your children’s lives, but yours too. You might find yourself seeing things through the eyes of a child, again, and that’s a rare and wonderful experience in these hectic times. What’s more, you might discover that you’re living with one of the most fascinating individuals of our day, right there in your own home. So, don’t let hours or days go by without spending “prime time” with your children instead of pastimes, because it all goes by very quickly. And – above all -- never be afraid of your child’s insatiable pursuit of Adventure and Excellence…
They make wonderful companions.
More about Lilly over at:
LillyMaytree.com |
The Nature of Children is based on a compilation of parenting articles Lilly wrote over several years as a columnist for Childcare Magazine. It is a result of many requests from parents for more information about that content and the foundation of the methods she used both in raising her own children, and in her classrooms.
As former educators, and founders of the Wilderness School Institute, Lilly and her Captain husband have developed curriculum for outdoor activities that incorporate nature studies, wilderness skills, and motivational behavior programs. Many of which were for troubled youth through state agencies. After years of experience, they had a lot to say about what motivates children, and have implemented their unique ideas into books and programs that others can use. The Wilderness School Institute is the wonderful place they share them from. |
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